


grey hat

by EggMuffin



Category: Kingsman (Movies), Kingsman: The Secret Service - Fandom
Genre: AU, Civilian Eggsy, Gen, M/M, hacker!Eggsy au, half-arsed hacking jargon, hartwin is only mentioned at the end i'm sorry guys, i mean i tried to make it at least semi-realistic, kinda sorta mr robot au, no hartwin smut, relationships are very brief, reluctantly impressed merlin, unrealistic hacking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 09:16:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7751941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggMuffin/pseuds/EggMuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy had learned at a very young age that the world is not fair at all. He had tried to do it the ‘’honest way’’ and ‘’work hard’’. But no matter how hard Eggsy tried, someone was going to be better because they had more money and less things to worry about. So Eggsy stopped trying to succeed by following the rules and playing nice, because the toffs at the top of the feeding chain played dirty and Eggsy was going to beat them at their own game by donning the proverbial hat.</p><p>Eggsy is a hacker trying to find out what happened to his dad who stumbles on something much bigger by accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. penetration test

**Author's Note:**

> A grey hat hacker lies between a black hat and a white hat hacker. A grey hat hacker may surf the Internet and hack into a computer system for the sole purpose of notifying the administrator that their system has a security defect, for example. They may then offer to correct the defect for a fee. Even though grey hat hackers may not necessarily perform hacking for their personal gain, unauthorized access to a system can be considered illegal and unethical.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A penetration test, informally pen test, is an attack on a computer system that looks for security weaknesses, potentially gaining access to the computer's features and data.

Eggsy had learned at a very young age that the world is not fair at all. Sure, the Eton-educated toffs in the government kept spouting bullshite like ‘’hard work pays off’’, as if they knew anything about hard work. They paid their way through schools and life, right to the top, and they thought they knew how life works because they could quote Churchill and Kipling off the top of their heads. They only came near the likes of Eggsy and his family when it made them look good and caring, or when they needed someone to do their dirty work. Or when they needed to ‘’offer their sympathies’’ after Eggsy’s dad died on a ‘’classified mission’’ in the Middle East.

Eggsy had tried to do it the ‘’honest way’’ and ‘’work hard’’. He’d done good in school, even better in gymnastics, had dreams of studying law or maybe maths, being successful, because hard work was supposed to pay off. And when the posh prick had given him the medal, he kept his promise and took care of his mum. Soon enough it became clear that no matter how hard Eggsy tried, someone was going to be better because they had more money and less things to worry about. So Eggsy stopped trying to succeed by following the rules and playing nice, because the toffs at the top of the feeding chain definitely did not play nice. After an ‘’administrative computer error’’ had left his mum without her benefits for three months, Eggsy soon realised that there was a weak spot in the system – networks. More specifically, the people using the networks, many of whom had no idea how computers really worked. For some reason, the government didn’t seem to realise how many possibilities (both good and bad) computers created. So Eggsy taught himself to hack and exploit that weakness.

\--

Surprisingly, it hadn’t been too hard to hack Royal Navy and realise that they had had nothing to do with his dad’s death. Apparently he hadn’t been a part of the Royal Marines for nearly a year at the time of his death. Eggsy didn’t really know what to do with this information. His plan had been pretty simple: hack the Navy, find out who was responsible for that mission, find a way to fuck up their life and then steal the money they owed the Unwins. Because Eggsy knew enough to know that the widows of marines got compensation. For some reason though, all they got was a medal and a ‘’favour’’. Eggsy had wondered whether the favour could be monetary, but all in all, it sounded like some fairy tale bullshite. Call this number and say this stupid password and what – a genie will appear and grant your wish? Bullshite. Besides, it had been 17 years. The offer would’ve been expired by now.

Stumped by the fact that the Navy didn’t provide the answers he sought, Eggsy spent a couple of weeks doing some vaguely unethical grey hat stuff – hacking companies to show that their security was shite and then offering to fix the problems for money. He could’ve joined a cyber security company and done that legally, but he valued his freedom. Besides, ‘’freelancing’’ (that’s what he said he did when anyone asked) gave him the opportunity to do a tiny bit of good – when a charity or someone who couldn’t afford to get them fixed had obvious security flaws, Eggsy fixed them for free.

Eggsy was well aware that what he did was probably not above being a runner for some arsewipe in the estates, morally speaking. In the eyes of the law, he was a criminal, simple as that. Should he be caught, which, while highly unlikely, was still a possibility, he’d face some serious charges. The fact that he was a just a pleb from the estates didn’t help; the pigs would take one look at him, spout something about chavs and scum, and he’d be facing time or at least a hefty fine.

He made sure that there were no links between Gary Unwin and hacker known as 0v3r3a5y. He never told anyone about his hacking, instead he said he was programming, and he never boasted 0v3r3a5y’s achievements in hacking forums. He avoided groups of hackers like the plague, because he didn’t trust the people in them. They doxxed large companies and individuals alike and there was no guarantee that they wouldn’t come after you next. So Eggsy covered his tracks and laid low, trying to figure out the next logical step.

\--

Getting into the Royal Navy systems had been surprisingly easy and Eggsy was pretty sure that he hadn’t left a trace. After weeks of thinking and planning, he had chosen the Ministry of Defence as his next hit. If Lee Unwin hadn’t been a member of the Marines at the time of his death, then he had to have been a member of some other department of the armed forces. What other business could he have had in Middle East?

The Ministry of Defence gave no answers. Not one to sit idly, Eggsy spent another week practising his social engineering skills. A lot of script kiddies thought that hacking was sitting in your parents’ basement, writing line after line of code. Sure, you could get away with simpler breaks like that. But if you wanted to achieve something that mattered, the only way in was through people. Sometimes the software had flaws, but those flaws could be fixed. Human errors, however, were a serious hacker’s bread and butter. Eggsy had learned early on that the easiest way in was through the help desk, because that’s what they were there for – to help confused employees unable to log into their accounts. People were easy to fool. For a computer program, there were only two answers – true or false. People were not as absolute, they had a whole array of options that could be exploited, and they could make exceptions if you asked nicely enough.

\--

Eggsy was looking for some new headphones at PC World when the next step occurred to him. He was making his way to the register with a nice pair of AKGs when he spotted one of the display tellies playing the latest Bond movie. On the screen, Q was tinkering with something on his laptop, making Eggsy smirk at the unrealistic graphics of the program before he had an idea. It was entirely possible that his dad had been a part of secret raid, working for MI6. Struck by his revelation, Eggsy abandoned his headphones on the nearest shelf and left the store, already tossing around different ideas for his hack into Her Majesty’s Secret Service.


	2. bait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baiting is like the real-world Trojan Horse that uses physical media and relies on the curiosity or greed of the victim. In this attack, the attacker leaves a malware infected floppy disk, CD-ROM, or USB flash drive in a location sure to be found (bathroom, elevator, sidewalk, parking lot), gives it a legitimate looking and curiosity-piquing label, and simply waits for the victim to use the device.

Hacking into MI6 would prove to be harder, and Eggsy was prepared for that. He had carefully formulated a plan that would give him access to a low level employee’s computer and get him into the system. Once in, he would find a way to access the records he needed.

First, he needed to find the right person to get him in. A junior intelligence officer would have been perfect, but that was a long shot. Anyone with that kind of security clearance would be too well trained to insert an USB of unknown origin into their computer. Eggsy needed someone more trusting and, well, stupid. Maybe it was the fact that he had been hacking for so long, but Eggsy had stopped trusting most things and most people. Sometimes he would notice a SD card someone dropped on the tube and instead of curiosity he just felt paranoid. People who downloaded codecfix.exe because the episode of GoT they torrented wouldn’t play deserved the malware they got with it for their stupidity. Then again, who was Eggsy to judge when he exploited said stupidity and trust for a living?

His plan was simple. He bought a cheap 4GB USB stick and made a bunch of nonsense Word and Excel files and named them things like raw_data.xls and thesis_1st_draft.docx to make it look like the drive belonged to a university student. He also found a random bird on Facebook and copied some of her photos onto the drive to give it a personal touch.  Hidden in the folder labelled ‘’THESIS’’ sat a rootkit that would run as soon as the drive was plugged into a computer, sneaking its way into the machine and running quietly in the background, giving Eggsy remote access to the system. The key was in the details, so as a finishing touch Eggsy added a random glitzy key ring that he got from Poundworld and set off to Vauxhall.

Eggsy was glad that it was cold enough to warrant wearing gloves, as he had no intention of leaving his fingerprints on the drive. He hung around at the Albert Embankment in front of the building, fiddling with his phone and looking annoyed, as if he was supposed to meet up with someone who was late. For a good 15 minutes there was no one coming out or going in to the building and Eggsy contemplated leaving, as he was sure that he had been noticed. Before he could fake another phone call and tell his ‘’friend’’ that he could fuck himself and that Eggsy was done waiting for him, a young woman walked past Eggsy and turned to enter the building. Working quickly, Eggsy dropped the drive a foot or so away from himself, before pretending to notice it and picking it up.

‘’Oi! Miss!’’ he shouted at the woman and jogged a few steps to catch up with her. ‘’I think you dropped this,’’ he said and offered her the drive. Her first reaction was to reach for it before realising that it wasn’t hers and Eggsy knew he had picked the right person. ‘’That’s not mine, sorry,’’ she said, but didn’t turn away. Eggsy smiled and gestured to the glittery pink key ring hanging from the drive and them at himself, a young man wearing loud prints and Adidas and said, ‘’Well, it ain’t mine either.’’

The woman smiled as if sharing the joke. ‘’I’ll plug it in, see if I can contact the owner.’’

 _Fucking jackpot_ , thought Eggsy. ‘’Cheers,’’ he said and watched as she walked towards the entrance, pretending to check her out for good measure. Fortunately for Eggsy’s current objective, but unfortunately for women everywhere and Eggsy himself when he wasn’t trying to hack the fucking SIS, there was nothing weird at a bloke checking a bird out. Sure, Eggsy could appreciate a beautiful woman in the same way he could appreciate a beautiful painting of some flowers, but when it came to checking someone out, he preferred the male figure.

Eggsy pretended to make that call to his mate before walking away over the Vauxhall Bridge and making his way to the Starbucks on Horseferry road. He ordered the largest and most expensive drink he could think of to justify spending the next few hours at the coffee shop with his laptop. He chose a seat with his back facing the wall so no one could see what he was doing and logged on to see if his drive had been plugged in yet.

He was disappointed to see that it hadn’t, but it gave him some time to mentally prepare for the moment he had access. While he was pretty sure that his rootkit would go undetected, things didn’t always go to plan. Maybe the girl he had given the drive to had some other computer problems and called tech support. Eggsy was pretty fucking sure that the MI6 had better tech support than your average insurance company and his spyware would be discovered. The faster he had access to the information he needed, the faster he could terminate his end of the program and disappear without a trace.

It took another five minutes before the drive was plugged in, but Eggsy was ready. He only needed a minute gain remote access and start finding a way into MI6 databases. It wasn’t an easy task, Eggsy knew that even someone with more experience than him could fail, but he had access and that’s what mattered. Now wasn’t the time to start doubting himself.

It was hard to stay calm and not to draw unnecessary attention. Eggsy felt as if his whole body was energised, as if electricity was running through his veins. His heart was pounding wildly and he felt feverish in the overheated café, but he didn’t let his focus waver. He didn’t know if the MI6 had the answers, it might’ve been a long shot, thinking, hoping that he would find out more about his dad’s death by hacking the bloody secret service. Eggsy was probably committing treason and it was undoubtedly the stupidest thing he had ever done, but he was so close. It would all be over soon and Eggsy would either have a new lead in what happened to his dad or he would have none of the answers he was looking for and he could go back to his day to day life and pretend like he didn’t just hack the SIS.

In the end, he was more confused than before. Luckily, life wasn’t a movie where the connection is lost in the middle of a big hack, Eggsy had managed to get what he needed and terminate the program without interruptions, but the answers he got just raised more questions. The only reference to Lee Unwin was in connection to an organization named Kingsman, listed in the registry of private intelligence services. There was no other information on the organization and a Google search showed that Kingsman was a tailor shop on Savile Row. There was nothing about Kingsman on Tor or any other darknet.

Why would a tailor shop be listed as a private intelligence service? Staring at his now cold drink, Eggsy decided that it was more likely that there was an intelligence organization sharing its name with the tailor’s. At least he had confirmed that Eggsy’s dad had been working for a private organization at the time of his death, which would explain what he was doing in the Middle East. But why would they claim he was working with the Marines at the time of his death? And what the fuck was Kingsman?

Getting ready to take a shower that night, Eggsy looked more closely at the medal he wore around his neck, the same one given to him after his dad died. He remembered the man only vaguely, but he remembered that he had been posh and important, well spoken and well dressed. The kind of man who would probably wear bespoke suits and a thousand pound watch.

The rope details gave the medal a vaguely nautical feel, but Eggsy had seen pictures of Naval medals of valour on the internet and they looked nothing like that. Turning the medal around in his hands, Eggsy knew that he’d find the date of his father’s death and not much else. However, now that he looked at the shape that the rope formed on the backside of the medal, he recognised the sideways K in a circle. Maybe the tailor shop and the private intelligence agency did have more in common than just the name?

\--

Eggsy was briefly distracted from his little mission by Richmond Valentine’s announcement that he would be giving away free SIM cards with free calls, texts and internet. Sure, Valentine was known for his eccentric behaviour and views, but unlike others, Eggsy had no qualms about looking a gift horse in the mouth. His motto was simple: if it sounded too good to be true, it probably was. The fact that very few seemed to question Valentine’s motives in a post-Edward Snowden world was beyond Eggsy. Most of the hacking and infosec community seemed to share his views, but it was nearly impossible to convince his mates and mum that Valentine would at least use the free data to spy on the users.

There was already a group of hackers forming a plan to hack Valentine and see what he was up to. While Eggsy was tempted to join, he didn’t trust the people behind the screen names. Instead he decided to get one of the SIM cards when they were released and use it to gain access to Valentine’s network to see for himself what the deal was, although some group would definitely expose Valentine hours after the release.

\--

The Kingsman storefront was elegant and understated, with well dressed mannequins decorating the window. Eggsy eyed it calculatingly, knowing that he had no business going in there. He didn’t know what seeing the shop from inside would give him, anyway. Whether he liked it or not, he had hit a dead end.

Suddenly a black cab stopped at the curb, shaking Eggsy out of his thoughts. He glanced over his shoulder to see a middle-aged bloke in a suit climbing out. He looked like Kingman’s usual clientele, but Eggsy had to do a double take. The bloke looked vaguely familiar and Eggsy realised that he was staring, trying to place the man.

‘’Can I help you?’’ asked the man and Eggsy realised where he had seen the man before. It was the same bloke who had given Eggsy the medal. He recognised the perfectly set hair and the rigid way the man carried himself, back straight and shoulders back. It had been years, but Eggsy could’ve sworn it was the same man.

This was his chance. He could get answers to all his questions. But before he could get a word out, the man frowned at something and turned to enter the shop, having seemingly forgotten about Eggsy. He was already pushing open the door before he turned to Eggsy. ‘’You’re sure you’re fine?’’

‘’Yeah, bruv,’’ said Eggsy automatically and that was all the confirmation the man needed to enter the shop and leave Eggsy on the pavement.


	3. logic bomb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A logic bomb is a malicious program designed to execute when a certain criterion is met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a little bit of smut in this chapter!

Eggsy cursed himself the whole way home. Why hadn’t he taken the opportunity? He was sure that it was the same man. But there was something shifty how the man had frowned at seemingly nothing and rushed in, as if he’d received some sort of message. Eggsy was certain now that there was a connection between the tailor shop and the intelligence service. Sure, it sounded like something out of a bad spy story; a secret organization operating under the guise of a tailor shop, but then again, an idea like that is easy to dismiss, making it easier for the organization to hide. It was some reverse psychology bullshite Eggsy could never understand, so he did something he did understand – hack them.

The website itself was understated, containing only the history and contact information of the shop. Unfortunately, a deeper look into their network and system didn’t turn up anything besides a few names of employees, none of which looked familiar or matched the records Eggsy had gotten from MI6. There was no indication the Kingsman was anything other than a posh tailor shop.

Eggsy had been chasing the leads with varying degrees of success for several weeks and it was starting to wear him down. He needed to regroup to figure out how to get into Kingsman. He thought about the number on the back of the medal. Now that he was sure that Kingsman was an intelligence organization, the mysterious favour seemed more believable. What if he called the number? Would it even be valid after 17 years?

He decided against it. If the agency had the audacity to leave Lee Unwin’s family with a trinket and a ‘’favour’’, instead of some proper consolation, then Eggsy would not call the number. He would establish contact with them on his own terms, preferably after he had hacked their servers.

So, Eggsy needed to regroup and formulate a bloody good plan. But first, he needed a fucking break.

\--

Eggsy didn’t go to clubs very often, especially gay clubs. All it took was someone from the estates seeing him go in or come out of one and he would be beaten to a pulp. But he needed to get away from all of the shite happening in his life at the moment; Kingsman, the looming Valentine SIM card release, the general shit storm that was his home life. Just one night when he could pretend that he wasn’t a hacker with a fucked up vendetta against the organization that got his dad killed.

So he headed out to the only club he ever went to in the hopes of a drunken night and maybe a hook-up if he was lucky.

The minute Eggsy stepped into the place, he started to find it hard to think about anything in the chaos of the club. He had a fun few hours ahead of him, but first he needed a drink. He ordered a firestarter at the bar and stayed there, observing the crowd. There were some men on the dance floor who caught his eyes and soon enough he would join the grinding and writhing people, but first he needed to get a buzz going. As soon as he was finished with his drink, Eggsy let a bloke with a buzz cut and truly impressive biceps lead him to the dance floor. He let himself let go and lose himself in the music and the crowd, because he fucking deserved to have a little fun.

\--

About two hours, several dance partners and six really strong shots (none of which he paid for), Eggsy found himself at the loo, fairly hammered and trying to aim straight at the urinal. One of the blokes he’d danced with, James or Jamie or something, had pretty much propositioned him, but to be honest, he wasn’t really Eggsy’s type. Eggsy washed his hands and tried to decide whether he should try to find someone else or just call it a night, when the bloke next to him piped up. ‘’You know, you’re pretty fit for a chav,’’ said the guy gesturing to Eggsy’s Fred Perry polo.

The bloke himself was one of those junior posh pricks Eggsy fucking hated. His dad was probably a partner at some law firm and his mum did nothing but shop and pretend to care by donating to charities. But he was fairly attractive for an inbred cunt with his long legs and a mop of brown hair. He had a face that most would probably describe as classically handsome, but that Eggsy found a bit boring. However, he probably wouldn’t want anything to do with Eggsy after tonight, so he suited Eggsy’s needs pretty fucking well. Eggsy gave him a very obvious once over. ‘’You’re not so bad for posh cunt. D’ya always pick up blokes at the gents?’’

‘’Only when they’re impossible to catch on the dance floor. I saw you out there.’’

So the prick had been eyeing him up for a while? ‘’Yeah? Like what you saw?’’

‘’I’m only saying this because I’m four drinks in,’’ said the bloke in a stupidly prissy tone, ‘’but you’re fucking fit and I really fucking want to get laid.’’

‘’Same, but I’m about seven drinks in, and same. Name’s Eggsy.’’ Eggsy even extended a hand for the bloke to shake as if there was anything polite about their conversation. The guy introduced himself as Charlie and Eggsy snorted. ‘’Really? Not Charles Cunt-Fuckington III?’’

‘’Do you talk shite during sex because in that case I’ll find someone else.’’

Eggsy smiled as seductively as he could. ‘’Why don’t you find out?’’

\--

They ended up at Charlie’s flat in Chelsea after making out the club for a while and continuing the verbal sparring in the cab on the way there. While Charlie wasn’t Eggsy’s usual type, he was just cocky enough to be interesting. Eggsy was happy to discover that he had a very nice body and he was almost tempted to get his workout routine. Eggsy had another pleasant discovery when Charlie pushed him down on his bed and rolled a condom onto Eggsy’s cock before taking him in his mouth – Charlie was very good at giving head and seemed to enjoy it, too, so Eggsy could only card his fingers through Charlie’s hair and let him do the work. And fuck, it felt good; soon enough Eggsy could feel his orgasm nearing. He clutched Charlie’s hair a little bit tighter and let the pleasure wash over him as he came with a hoarse grunt.

‘’Is a mouth on your cock all it takes to shut you up?’’ asked Charlie as he let Eggsy’s cock fall from his mouth.

‘’Shut the fuck up and tell me what you want,’’ replied Eggsy and pulled Charlie up so he could kiss him, feeling the vaguely unpleasant taste of latex on his tongue. Charlie let Eggsy take the lead for a while before turning on his back and pulling Eggsy on top of him. ‘’Finger me,’’ he said unabashedly, like he was used to getting what he wanted.

‘’You posh boys always like a bit of rough.’’

‘’Get your fingers inside me, _Eggy_.’’

Turns out, Charlie didn’t need a lot to come, just two of Eggsy’s fingers in his arse and his fist around his cock. He also had no shame about making desperate, needy noises that sounded really fucking nice to Eggsy’s ears.

Afterwards they lay side by side on Charlie’s ridiculously soft bed as Charlie smoked while Eggsy let himself bask in the afterglow of a great night and a great orgasm. Sure, he’d have to get home somehow; Charlie most likely didn’t want him to stay the night, but at least he’d achieved both of his objectives for the night – get drunk and get laid. The exhaustion from the dancing and the sex, the lingering effects of the alcohol and the softness of the bed were all pulling him under and Eggsy felt himself starting to doze off, when Charlie spoke up.

‘’I really needed this.’’ There was a pause and Eggsy heard him take another drag of his cigarette. Then, ‘’I’m only saying this because I think I’m still shitfaced, but... You helped me take my mind off things. So. Thanks for that.’’

Eggsy shared the sentiment, but he wasn’t really going to tell Charlie that. ‘’Cheers, bruv, but don’t get all sappy on me now,’’ he said instead.

‘’No, really. My life’s been a fucking shit storm recently.’’

Eggsy sighed. He didn’t really care about Charlie’s troubles. What? Did Harrod’s decline his daddy’s credit card? Did his uncle decide he wasn’t going to give Charlie a share in the family business after all? Fuck him and his problems. ‘’Why do I get the feeling that you’re gonna tell me all about it whether I want to hear it or not?’’

‘’You don’t fucking understand.’’ Eggsy sighed again. Of course he fucking didn’t. He cracked his eyes open to see Charlie looking at the ceiling angrily. Whatever annoyed him must have annoyed him a lot _. Too bad I don’t care_ , thought Eggsy and let his eyes fall shut again. There was a deep inhale and then Charlie said, with palpable venom in his voice, ‘’Fucking Kingsman.’’.

Suddenly Eggsy was wide awake. What did Charlie know about Kingsman?

‘’What about it?’’ he asked before he could stop himself.

Charlie snorted. ‘’I thought you didn’t care.’’

Charlie had no fucking idea how much Eggsy cared about his rant now. ‘’I’m pretending to care, so that you wouldn’t kick me out of the bed, because let me tell you, bruv, I’m too fucking comfortable to move right now,’’ he said keeping his tone carefully low and disinterested.

There was a stretch of silence and Eggsy was afraid that Charlie had decided not to rant after all or simply fallen asleep. ‘’Did you know, Eggsy, that you slept with an almost fucking spy?’’ asked Charlie finally.

Eggsy’s mind was suddenly racing at a million miles a minute. So Kingsman was a spy agency? He needed to find out more, he needed to keep Charlie talking. ‘’Get fucked,’’ he said with an incredulous guffaw.

‘’No really,’’ said Charlie and Eggsy felt him shift on the bed. He opened his eyes to see that Charlie had turned to one side, facing Eggsy. He kept his expression carefully unimpressed, which luckily had the desired effect of prompting Charlie to explain.

‘’Listen – Kingsman, do you know Kingsman?’’ Eggsy shook his head.

‘’Anyway, it’s a tailor’s. I guess you wouldn’t know. But listen – it’s also a secret fucking service. Been around for nearly a century. Classy. Old fashioned, I guess. Anyway, the head is a family friend. And when they lose an agent, each agent proposes a candidate. Arthur proposed me. I was going to be the next Lancelot, but that fucking bird beat me.’’

Eggsy listened to Charlie’s tirade with his heart beating wildly in his chest. He couldn’t believe that Charlie was really telling him all this. What kind of an insane fucking coincidence was this? And maybe Eggsy had been working on his stupid plan for too long, but suddenly it occurred to him that Kingsman might’ve realised that he was trying to get in. He might be on their radar. He didn’t know how, but then again, he had no fucking idea how intelligence agencies worked. But Charlie seemed to be really pissed about whatever happened to him and maybe if Eggsy played his cards really well, he could find out more. He just had to act like he didn’t believe a word.

‘’Mate, I think you’s been reading too many tales,’’ he mumbled in response. ‘’Arthur? Lancelot? Get the fuck out of here. Does your Arthur have an Excalibur, too?’’

‘’No, I fucking swear. The bald cunt, he never liked me. Fucking Merlin. He must’ve failed me on purpose.’’

‘’Merlin? Go the fuck to sleep, bruv.’’ _Keep talking, keep talking, keep talking._

‘’Fucking _listen_ – there’s Arthur, right. He’s the head. You’ve seen Bond? Arthur’s M. Then there’s Merlin. He’s Q, basically. They’ve got tech you’ve never... Listen, they’ve got pens with poison in them. Bulletproof suits. Glasses with comms. Stuff Bond can only fucking dream of – ‘’

Glasses with comms. The man Eggsy had seen – he wore glasses. Maybe, when he frowned – maybe someone had contacted him?

‘’ – then there’s the knights. They’re agents. They’ve got twelve, all named after the knights of the round table – Lancelot and Percival and Galahad and so on. I was training to become Lancelot. Fucking months, I swear... Shooting and archery and all that. The first fucking night, you won’t believe, we’re in the dorm, right? Early start tomorrow, the bald fucker said. Get some sleep, he said. And in the middle of the fucking night, they try to drown us. Fill the room with water, see if we can find the way out. Most of us just used loo snorkels – ‘’

What the actual fuck are loo snorkels? Drowning the candidates? ‘’What the fuck?’’ said Eggsy softly.

‘’ – but this one bird, she drowned. First one out. It was hardcore, but I got through. I was really fucking good, but then – they gave us a task, the three of us left; me, the fucking bird and Hugo. Gave us a task – seduce this girl. And, fuck, it would’ve been easy, seducing her. But then they fucking drug us and tie us to fucking train tracks. This creepy fucking bloke with a knife is all... ‘’Tell me about Kingsman and I’ll cut you free, or else you’re going to be run over by the fucking train!’’ That’s fucked up! I wasn’t going to fucking die like that bird in the first task! I told him, of course I fucking told him!’’

Charlie took a breath before continuing and Eggsy realised he had been holding his own.

‘’Later, Arthur – Chester King, that’s his real name – tells me that I wouldn’t have died. The bird in the first task – she didn’t die. Tells me he’s disappointed in me. That I’m an embarrassment. Still  going to save me though, ‘cause of my dad – we’re an important family – when Valentine activates the chips.’’

Valentine? What the fuck did Valentine have to do with Kingsman? Eggsy felt his head start to pound at the onslaught of new information. ‘’Richmond Valentine? What’s he got to do with it?’’

‘’The SIM cards – they’re... I don’t know exactly what’s gonna happen, King wouldn’t tell me. But they should emit this signal that makes people kill each other or some shite like that. I don’t fucking know. Anyway, presidents and world leaders and other important people, rich folk, he’s gonna save them. Some have chips that block the signal or something. I don’t understand the technology, but that’s what King told me anyway.’’

Eggsy remembered the recent news about the disappearances of celebrities and other influential people. Was Valentine behind those too? A signal that makes people kill each other? That’s not even close to Valentine spying on people using his SIM cards. This was fucked up, all of it was fucked up. And why the fuck was Charlie telling him all this?

‘’Listen, mate, I don’t know why you’re telling me all this, but it sounds like a bad fucking spy movie. Austin Powers is more realistic than the bullshite you’re spewing.’’

‘’Yeah, whatever. Don’t believe me. But I’m telling you – Kingsman is a stupid fucking organization and I hope that cunt Roxy gets killed on V-day. That’s what they’re calling it, you know. V-day. A bird as an Kingsman agent. Fucking ridiculous,’’ said Charlie before turning over to his other side, leaving Eggsy to stare at his back. ‘’You can stay, if you want,’’ he said without turning to look at Eggsy. ‘’I don’t mind. Just don’t expect breakfast.’’

‘’Wouldn’t dream of it,’’ replied Eggsy, staring at the ceiling, trying to process what he had just heard. So Kingsman was a spy agency? Valentine was going to kill 90% of the world’s population with his SIM cards? Should he believe Charlie? Then again, why would Charlie lie about something like that? If Eggsy hadn’t had his suspicions about Kingsman, he would have dismissed everything Charlie had said as bullshite.

Eggsy laid there for a while, listening to Charlie’s breathing. When he was sure that Charlie was asleep, he got dressed and pocketed Charlie’s phone before letting himself out and rushing home.

 


	4. brute-force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brute-force attack consists of an attacker trying many passwords or passphrases with the hope of eventually guessing correctly.

Eggsy gleaned all the information he could from Charlie’s phone before throwing it in the Thames. He had turned off the GPS before leaving Charlie’s building, but if Charlie was so fucking important, then the phone must’ve had some other tracking systems, so he didn’t want to keep the phone in his possession for too long. He had left Charlie’s around five in the morning and it was now nearing midday and Eggsy was exhausted. Returning from his ‘’run’’, which just happened to take him to the river to dispose of Charlie’s phone, he took a shower and went to bed to catch at least a few hours of sleep before even trying to chase the new leads.

\--

He woke up around seven and went to get himself the greasiest thing Maccy D’s had to offer to battle his massive fucking hangover. He couldn’t quite handle the bright lights at the joint, so he ordered his meal to go and took it back home. After the meal and another shower, Eggsy felt more like a human being, and was ready to start reviewing the contents of Charlie’s phone he’d downloaded to his laptop.

There were emails between Charlie, full name Charles David Hesketh, and Chester King. King had first offered Charlie the opportunity to become a Kingsman agent a few months ago, which Charlie had quickly accepted. There was an attachment detailing the history and structure of the organization.

Kingsman had been a tailor shop first, but after World War I, some rich folk decided that there should be a secret intelligence agency operating out of their preferred tailor’s. The organization had branches in other countries with their own leaders, although they still answered to Arthur, the head of the UK branch. There were indeed twelve active agents and an extensive supporting staff. The chief intelligence officer and head of R&D division, codename Merlin, was second in the chain of command, right below Arthur. Arthurs generally held the proverbial throne until their death. When it became apparent that the current leader would not be able to carry on his duties for long, the knights would vote one of themselves to take the mantle, and hold trials to replace the knight. Should Arthur die unexpectedly, Merlin would fulfil his duties until the new Arthur was selected. Most of the agents had a military background with only few exceptions, although most of them became a knight in their mid to late twenties. The youngest and oldest candidates to pass the trials had been 19 and 35 respectively.

The document claimed that Kingsman was ‘’an independent international intelligence agency operating at the highest level of discretion, without the politics and bureaucracy that undermine the intelligence of government-run spy organisations’’, which made sense on paper, but Eggsy doubted that it was entirely free of bureaucracy.

The more recent emails between Charlie and King had been about Valentine’s plan. King had offered to discuss Charlie’s place at Kingsman with him at some sort of a party that Valentine was apparently planning and they both were invited to. ‘’Not all knights have agreed to Valentine’s terms,’’ read one email from King, ‘’so you might still have a place at Kingsman after all of this is over. I am predicting the loss of six agents and numerous people from the supporting staff, including Merlin’s division, so god knows we’ll be busy training new ones to join Kingsman. I am still disappointed in you for your failure, but I am willing to give you another chance.’’

There was also an email from King to Charlie’s father, David Hesketh, who had forwarded it to the rest of his family, detailing Valentine’s plan and why they should join Valentine and King. Apparently King had been instrumental in convincing several wealthy families to join Valentine. Those who hadn’t agreed had been ‘’taken to safety’’, which Eggsy guessed was code for ‘’kidnapped by a fucking lunatic’’. On V-day, an unspecified date in the next few weeks, Valentine would notify his allies in advance so they could get to safety before turning on his chips that would then emit a signal that disrupted brain waves, making people become violent and lose all inhibition.

Eggsy stared at the screen in disgust. In the midst of it all, his personal vendetta against Kingsman seemed so insignificant. But if the head of Kingsman and at least some of the agents and staff were in on Valentine’s plan... If Eggsy went online to warn people, he would be dismissed as a conspiracy theorist. Eggsy doubted that hacking the MI6 again would help him. Thus far, the only lead he had on Valentine and his sick plan was Chester King, so he had to get into Kingsman anyway. A couple of emails weren’t good enough. He needed to find something more substantial, establish a connection between Chester King and Valentine and then he could doxx them.

\--

Eggsy didn’t know how much time he had, so he decided to keep his plan simple. Now that he had Chester King’s emails, he had his IP address and with that he had access to ports. All he needed to do was to make sure that the IP was online, scan for open ports, find one, access it and then brute force the username and password. It was a shit plan, too simplistic for someone with his skills, but before he exhausted himself and his resources by planning an elaborate hack, he needed to go back to the basics.

He set up shop at a public library, because if Kingsman was going to trace him, he didn’t want to lead them to his home, changed his own IP address and began.

It went smoothly enough until he got to the login screen. This was always the hardest part. He tried all variations of Chester King and Arthur as the username and as many passwords he could think of. If Kingsman was any good, they had already discovered that he was trying to get in and Eggsy knew that he didn’t have much time. In a last-ditch effort to force his way in, Eggsy went with the username Arthur and password Pendragon, and to his surprise, it had worked. He was now looking at the desktop of the leader of an international intelligence organization.

Eggsy allowed himself a few seconds mental celebration before digging into Chester King’s files. Eggsy decided that when he had enough information on Valentine, he would use this opportunity to find out what happened to his dad. Curiosity flared up in his mind at the thought, but he pushed it down, there were more important things right now.

Apparently Kingsman had been investigating Valentine in relation to the disappearances, but not the SIM cards. The case was currently assigned to agent Galahad who had been making some headway. Officially, there were no traces of Chester King’s connection to Valentine, but Eggsy found the correspondence between King and Valentine amongst King’s personal files. That was all Eggsy could find out before the felt a sting in his neck and his vision started to swim. The last thing he saw before he went under was a man’s hand and a very expensive watch.


	5. spoofing attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spoofing attack involves one program, system or website that successfully masquerades as another by falsifying data and is thereby treated as a trusted system by a user or another program.

When Eggsy came to, he found himself tied to fairly comfortable chair. His head was pounding and his throat felt like the desert. His vision was a bit blurred but a few rapid blinks took care of that. He surveyed the room and found that he was not alone. He appeared to be in a very posh dining room with portraits of regal-looking old men on the walls and a long polished wood table in the centre of the room. At the head of the table sat an imposing man with grey hair and stern impression.

It took Eggsy a few tries, because his mouth was try, but eventually he managed to croak the words out. ‘’Who the fuck are you?’’

The man looked even less impressed. ‘’Chester King. But you must have known that already, seeing as you hacked into my computer.’’

Eggsy felt panic swelling in his chest but he tried to push it down. He’s in deep shit, he knew. He didn’t think that he could talk his way out of this, so he stayed quiet, afraid that he couldn’t keep his voice calm even if he tried.

‘’And who might you be?’’ asked the man, clearly impatient. He was going to feed Eggsy to the sharks whether or not he talked, so Eggsy decided not to answer.

King let the silence stretch for minutes and Eggsy started to squirm. Whatever he’s planning to do to Eggsy, Eggsy wished that he would just get on with it. He used the slowly passing minutes to reflect on all of the stupid decisions he’s made. He should’ve never had tried to play a detective, but he guessed it didn’t matter anyway, as Valentine and his rich and powerful friends would take over the world.

Eventually King sighed heavily and said, ‘’Galahad, untie him,’’ to someone behind Eggsy’s back. There was movement and Eggsy felt someone cut the ropes that bound him to the chair. Eggsy hadn’t been aware that there was someone else in the room and he was tempted to look behind him to see who this Galahad is, but he didn’t dare. Instead, he kept his gaze straight ahead, but he didn’t look at King, choosing to look straight past him.

‘’Come here, boy,’’ said King and beckoned Eggsy closer. When Eggsy didn’t move, the mysterious Galahad gave his shoulder a shove and Eggsy had no choice but to stand up and make his way to King. As his last act of defiance, he walked as slow as he could.

‘’You must be parched,’’ said King and pointed to a glass of water on the table. ‘’Perhaps a glass of water would make it easier for you to speak?’’

Eggsy was parched but he didn’t trust King at all. For all he knew the water might have been poison.

‘’I’m good, thanks,’’ he croaked out.

King smiled tightly. ‘’You will drink it anyway. It would be much more pleasant for you to just do it. I would hate to have to force you,’’ he said in a manner that implied that he would absolutely _love_ to force Eggsy to drink it.

Eggsy didn’t have any other choice. Slowly, he took the glass and considered throwing it at King’s face to create confusion, but he would probably be shot. With slow, measured gulps he drank the water. It didn’t taste any different than regular water and Eggsy’s throat felt much better, but he didn’t believe for a second that it was regular water. He placed the glass back on the table and looked King in the eye. King’s eyes had a manic look in them, the look of someone who knew that he had won.

‘’Now that your throat is feeling better, why don’t you tell me who you are and what do you want?’’

‘’Or I could not do that and you could just put me out of my misery,’’ said Eggsy. ‘’I’ve never liked talking to posh pricks like you.’’

King sighed heavily. ‘’If you insist,’’ he said. ‘’Your kind has never been any good for anything.’’ He picked up a fountain pen and Eggsy remembered Charlie mentioning poisoned pens. Well, the water was definitely poisoned and Eggsy would probably be dead in minutes. This was his end, by the hand of the same organization that had probably killed his father. What a fucking punch of pricks.

Idly, Eggsy wondered how the poison acted. Would it be painful? He hoped that it would work quickly. He just wanted all of it to be over already.

Suddenly there was a gunshot and Eggsy saw Chester King’s body jerk back in his chair. The fountain pen dropped to the table and there was a neat bullet hole in King’s chest. Eggsy turned to look at the shooter and found himself staring at the same man who had given him the medal.

‘’You,’’ he said.

‘’Are you alright?’’ the man asked, walking over to Eggsy. ‘’You’ve been poisoned, but it’s alright, the poison hadn’t been activated.’’

Eggsy stared at him disbelievingly. ‘’Who the fuck are you?’’

‘’My name is Harry Hart, codename Galahad.’’ Hart reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and took out Eggsy’s medal. ‘’I gave you this medal, Eggsy,’’ he said, offering it to Eggsy.

Eggsy’s right hand flew to his neck. He hadn’t even realised that he wasn’t wearing it. He took the medal from Hart. ‘’I recognised you,’’ he said, ‘’when we met in front of Kingsman.’’

‘’I didn’t recognise you then. Indeed, I didn’t recognise you until Arthur sent me to get you and I saw the medal,’’ said Hart and turned to look at King’s dead body.

‘’Why’d you kill him?’’ asked Eggsy. Hart seemed sincere, but he couldn’t trust anyone right now.

Hart removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked incredibly tired. ‘’I’d been investigating the Valentine case. I was due to fly out to Kentucky, when Arthur assigned the mission to another agent and told me that he’d been hacked and he needed me to bring in the hacker. When I got to the library I remembered seeing you in front of the shop and I started to suspect that you had been planning the hack for a very long time. But after I’d taken you out, I looked at the information you had gathered and I realised that King was working with Valentine. I’m sorry that I let you suffer for so long, but our own people had to confirm the information. I was waiting for their confirmation that King had indeed turned on us. I shot him the second it was certain.’’ Hart looked genuinely sorry and Eggsy felt kind of bad for him. It must’ve been hard to learn that your boss is a traitor. ‘’I hate to put you through any more questioning, but how did you know about Arthur?’’

‘’Can I ask you one thing first?’’ asked Eggsy. Hart gestured to him to ask away.

‘’Did you know Lee Unwin?’’

Hart sighed and Eggsy thought that he looked even guiltier than before. ‘’Yes, Eggsy. I did know your father. You want to know what happened to him.’’ It wasn’t a question, more of a statement. Eggsy nodded anyway.

‘’Your father was a candidate for the position of Lancelot 17 years ago. I proposed him. He was a wonderful candidate, and I was very proud. In the end, it was him and James. They kept passing the assignments we gave them and eventually, we took them out on a real mission in the Middle East. We were interrogating a prisoner and I missed the grenade he was hiding. Lee saved our lives by jumping on the grenade after the prisoner pulled the fuse. With Kingsman being what it is, we couldn’t honour him publicly, instead we offered your mother the standard medal of valour and the favour that came with it. Very few families ever use the favour, so we didn’t think much of it when you didn’t contact us.’’ Hart squeezed Eggsy’s shoulder with a haunted look in his eyes. ‘’I am truly very sorry, Eggsy.’’

Now that Eggsy knew what had happened to his father, he was disappointed that it didn’t provide any closure. He also knew that carrying out his vendetta against Kingsman wouldn’t bring peace either.

‘’To be fair, bruv,’’ said Eggsy, ‘’the favour does sound like something out of a fairy tale. On my side of the river, we don’t believe in favours and we don’t trust you lot.’’

Hart chuckled. ‘’Neither do we, Eggsy. In fact, Kingsman agents are probably the least trusting people on the planet.’’

‘’Right after hackers, mate, because I find it very hard to trust anyone right now.’’

‘’Will you trust Kingsman, Eggsy? You’ve found out more about Valentine and his plan than we have with none of our resources. We need to know what you know,’’ said Hart and Eggsy didn’t really have any other choice. This was his chance to put an end to Valentine’s plan.

So Eggsy told Hart how he had hacked his way through the Ministry of Defence and the MI6, how he had started to suspect Valentine was up to something, because his SIM cards were too good to be true. Hart listened with rapt attention and when Eggsy got to the part where he had hooked up with Charlie, Hart squeezed his lips into a thin line, which Eggsy took as a manifestation of his homophobia. ‘’Can you not look like that?’’ Eggsy asked. ‘’If you’ve got a problem with me being gay, you can fucking shove it.’’

‘’It’s not that, Eggsy,’’ said Hart. ‘’I’ll have you know that Kingsman is surprisingly accepting when it comes to sexual orientations. It’s that the little snivelling cunt Hesketh would tell a civilian all that. I knew he was trouble.’’

‘’Listen, if I hadn’t known that Kingsman might be a secret organization, I would’ve dismissed him, because his story was pretty hard to believe,’’ Eggsy told Hart, somehow relieved that Hart wasn’t clutching his pearls. He proceeded to explain how he had stolen Charlie’s phone and found out more about Valentine’s plan and how he had decided to find out more by hacking Kingsman. ‘’I needed to get more information before I went public with it. If I could provide the proof of what Valentine was planning, people would’ve been furious. He would have gone down.’’

‘’And several heads of state and organizations like Kingsman with him,’’ added Hart.

‘’Casualities, innit?’’

‘’Indeed,’’ murmured Hart before snapping to attention. He seemed to listen to something before he nodded once and said, ‘’on our way.’’

‘’Your glasses – they have comms in them, don’t they?’’ Eggsy asked.

Hart smiled. ‘’You’re clever, Eggsy.’’ He turned to King’s dead body and picked up the fountain pen. He jabbed it swiftly into King’s neck. ‘’What the fuck, bruv?!’’ exclaimed Eggsy. Hart dug around with the pen and then pulled out a small chip. ‘’I noticed the scar on his neck. When you told me about the chips I started wondering.’’ Hart grabbed King’s phone and the chip before turning back to Eggsy. ‘’How would you like to help us save the world?’’

Eggsy didn’t really need to consider his options. ‘’You think I’ve got anything to lose?’’


	6. confidence trick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confidence trick is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their confidence, used in the classical sense of trust. Social engineering is a type of confidence trick for the purpose of information gathering, fraud, or system access, it differs from a traditional "con" in that it is often one of many steps in a more complex fraud scheme.

‘’So you’re the little shit who hacked the MI6 and one of the most secure intelligence agencies in the world,’’ said the tall bald bloke Harry introduced as Merlin in lieu of greeting when Eggsy and Hart emerged from the bullet train (which more or less blew Eggsy’s mind. It was almost as impressive as the biometric security.). Eggsy was also introduced to agent Lancelot, aka Roxy, who didn’t seem to trust Eggsy completely, but then again, Eggsy couldn’t really blame her.

‘’Mate, if I can brute-force my way in, your system is as secure as you think it is,’’ replied Eggsy. The bloke regarded Eggsy over his glasses. ‘’Chester King was an old fool who didn’t know shite about computer security. In fact, most of our agents are woefully inept at technology and refuse to pick up even the most basic of programming – ‘’

Hart scoffed quietly at that, but Merlin didn’t seem to be bothered. ‘’When all of this is over, you and I are going to have words, laddie, and I am going to make you a job offer. Right now, however, we need to find a way into Valentine’s base.’’

As if on cue, Chester King’s phone vibrated in Hart’s hand informing them that there were six hours until V-Day. The recipients of the message were advised to get to a safe house or join Valentine using the given coordinates. ‘’I guess we’ll be joining Mr. Valentine,’’ said Hart.

‘’That’s the plan?’’ asked Eggsy incredulously. ‘’Just waltz in there?’’

Merlin snorted. ‘’You of all people should know a thing or two about cons,’’ he said. ‘’We need to take out Valentine’s satellites before he can broadcast the signal. For that, we’ll use space balloons. Roxy – you’ll be piloting one of those to the stratosphere and shooting down the satellite.’’

Roxy nodded, serious and business-like, as if Merlin had asked her to file some documents, not use high-altitude balloons to take out a satellite. Then again, Eggsy didn’t really know what constituted for a normal order in Kingsman. Maybe this was as normal as it got.

‘’Harry’s going to be Arthur. He’ll use King’s phone to get into Valentine’s gathering and then he’ll find a laptop to get us online.’’ Hart didn’t look fazed in the slightest and Eggsy realised that the explanation was for his benefit. ‘’Now you and I, lad,’’ said Merlin, ‘’we’re going to stay on the plane and hack Valentine’s system after Harry gets us online.’’

‘’There’s not much else that I can do, is there?’’ asked Eggsy. He got the feeling that he wasn’t really needed, not when Hart, Roxy and Merlin we’re all highly trained agents. He felt weirdly like a Bond girl – he had given them the information they needed and they let him stick around for a bit, but in the end, he was expendable. Hart reached to squeeze his shoulder again. ‘’You’ve done plenty already, Eggsy and we shouldn’t ask you for more, but...’’

‘’We have no idea who else is in Valentine’s pocket. You’re the one who figured it all out. We need all the help we can get,’’ finished Merlin.

Eggsy nodded. It’s not like he really had a choice.

Merlin started to lead the way to the plane, Roxy close behind. Eggsy started to follow them, but Hart held him back for a moment. ‘’Your father would have been very proud of you, Eggsy,’’ he said quietly.

Eggsy made a non-committal noise, because how the fuck are you supposed to react to that?

\--

The Kingsman jet was nearly as posh as the dining room. Eggsy tried not to gape too much, but it was a lot to take in. And that was _before_ Hart revealed a secret compartment holding an assortment of weapons. Eggsy let out a low whistle. ‘’Fuck that’s nice.’’

Hart chuckled. ‘’Let me walk you through Kingsman’s armoury. Presented here are our most used weapons. We have many more, but some of them are highly specialised.’’ He pointed to a handgun. ‘’This is a modified Tokarev, our standard handgun. Each agent normally carries two in the shoulder holster.’’ Moving on, he directed Eggsy’s attention to the gun next to it. ‘’This is a semi-automatic rifle, modelled after the infamous AK-47.’’

‘’Why are all your guns Russian?’’

‘’Russian guns are very simple to take apart and put together and they have simple, but extremely durable mechanisms,’’ explained Hart. ‘’Now, here’s my personal favourite – the Rainmaker.’’

Eggsy eyed the weapon suspiciously. ‘’That’s an umbrella, Hart.’’

‘’Harry, if you don’t mind. And it is indeed an umbrella. It’s also bulletproof, extremely durable, and fires stun pellets.’’

‘’Holy shit, Harry.’’

Harry chuckled at Eggsy’s astonishment. ‘’Quite. Now here we have a lighter that doubles as a hand grenade and – ‘’

‘’What the shit?’’

‘’ – the poison pen that you’re regrettably already familiar with.’’

 Eggsy winced at the memory of apparently being almost poisoned. Harry offered an apologetic smile. ‘’But here’s something I’ve been told is very impressive,’’ he said and clicked his heels together. Eggsy looked at him expectantly and Harry pointed at his feet. ‘’What the fuck?’’ said Eggsy, noticing the sharp glint of a blade coming out of Harry’s right shoe. ‘’That’s well fucked.’’

‘’And out suits are bulletproof.’’

‘’That’s some amazing tech you’ve got there. Looks real good too,’’ said Eggsy appreciatively.

‘’Thank you, Eggsy.’’

\--

They let Roxy off somewhere near the Alps so that she could start her ascent to the stratosphere. Merlin went back to piloting the plane and left Harry and Eggsy alone. ‘’You can have a kip, Eggsy. You must be exhausted.’’

‘’I don’t think I could sleep right now. Too anxious,’’ Eggsy admitted. He knew that once all of this was over, he would crash, but for now, adrenaline was coursing through his veins and keeping him wide awake.

Harry smiled wryly. Eggsy took in his features – the hair he’d recognised, brown eyes, sharp wrinkles around his eyes. While handsome, Eggsy thought he looked terribly tired, but there was still a determined glint in his eyes. Eggsy imagined that Harry felt much like Eggsy did, wired up on adrenaline, but ready to crash the moment it was over.

\--

Valentine’s secret lair was inside of a fucking mountain. ‘’Fuck me,’’ Eggsy whispered as he and Harry watched Merlin pilot the plane towards the entrance.

Once they landed, Merlin handed Harry an USB drive. ‘’Find a laptop, get online. The quicker we get in, the better.’’ Eggsy watched Merlin send Harry off the plane, disguised as his pilot/valet. The minute the plane door was closed, Merlin opened up an impressive terminal. ‘’Now, we have at least five minutes before Harry works his magic,’’ he said and handed Eggsy a pair of glasses identical to those Harry wore. ‘’You know what they are, put them on.’’

Communications. Eggsy put the glasses on and was greeted by the sounds of a lively party.

One of the screens on Merlin’s terminal was displaying the visual transmission from Harry’s glasses. It showed a large cave-like room with several balconies. The picture zoomed in on a middle-aged man on a laptop in a booth at one of the balconies. ‘’That’s the Swedish Prime Minister, Harry,’’ said Merlin. Harry made a humming noise that Eggsy heard clearly in his left ear.

Merlin was talking to Roxy and surveying her progress. Eggsy watched as Harry made his way up the stairs and approached the Prime Minister. ‘’I’m terribly sorry, do you have the time? I’m afraid I’m still in my last time zone,’’ he said. ‘’Of course,’’ said the man and glanced down to look at his watch before he dropped like a sack of rocks. ‘’The fuck?’’ Eggsy whispered. ‘’Kingsman watches have darts in them,’’ Harry explained quietly and pushed the man out of the way before taking a seat and plugging in the USB. It took a moment and then Eggsy and Merlin had access. This was what Eggsy knew.

‘’What’re we looking for, Merlin?’’

‘’We need to get to the program he’s using to control the SIM cards and the chips.’’

Getting into Valentine’s terminal using the private network wasn’t hard. ‘’Roxy, whenever you’re ready,’’ said Merlin next to him and Eggsy assumed that she had the satellite on lock. He continued working his way through Valentine’s system. Suddenly, the view from Harry’s glasses jolted violently and it seemed like he was dragged up. ‘’Hello, Galahad,’’ hissed someone into Harry’s ear and Eggsy recognised the voice – fucking Charlie.

It seemed that Charlie had Harry in a chokehold, but Harry didn’t seem fazed. ‘’Charlie,’’ he said as if greeting an old acquaintance. Charlie managed to scream and alert Valentine of Harry’s presence before Harry broke free and punched Charlie’s lights out. His fist met with Charlie’s nose with a satisfying crunch and Eggsy cheered Harry on.

‘’I’m coming back to the plane,’’ said Harry in his ear and Eggsy watched as Harry vaulted over the railing and took off running back to the relative safety of the plane.

‘’Focus, Eggsy,’’ reminded Merlin, before giving a little shout of victory. ‘’Roxy has shot one of the satellites down!’’

‘’Well done!’’ cheered Eggsy and went back to trying to find Valentine’s program while trying not to pay too much attention to Harry running through the corridors or Merlin’s commentary about the locations of Valentine’s minions. ‘’Keep working, Eggsy, I’ll provide cover for Harry,’’ said Merlin and procured one of the rifles from underneath the table. Eggsy heard him open the plane door just as he ran into a big problem. Valentine had biometric security. You couldn’t hack past biometric security.

He heard Merlin fire some shots past Harry and then both of them pounding up the stairs. Finally inside the plane, Harry looked relieved, but wild and exhilarated. Merlin looked at Eggsy’s worried expression. ‘’What is it, lad?’’

‘’He’s got biometrics, Merlin. I can’t get past that.’’

Merlin and Harry exchanged a dark look. The terminal beeped and Eggsy saw with horror that Valentine had managed replace his satellite and it would soon be connected. ‘’Fuck,’’ he muttered under his breath and tried to stop the new satellite from connecting to the others, but he hit the same wall.

‘’When the satellite connects, we’re fucked,’’ said Merlin.

‘’Can’t we somehow physically get near his terminal?’’ asked Eggsy.

Harry shook his head. ‘’His security is too strong. We’d need to get rid of them first, but there’s too many of those fucking henchmen.’’

‘’We’re fucked either way,’’ said Merlin, who had moved to the front of the plane and Eggsy and Harry went to see what he meant. Valentine’s henchmen were aiming four missiles at their plane.

‘’Shit,’’ said Harry. Then, after a beat, ‘’unless. Merlin, those chips. Professor Arnold had one of those, didn’t he?’’

Realisation dawned on Merlin’s face. ‘’Harry, you brilliant bastard!’’ he said and rushed to the terminal. ‘’Who’s professor Arnold?’’ asked Eggsy, thoroughly confused.

‘’One of Valentine’s allies. When I confronted him, his head, well. Exploded. He seemed to have one of those chips, the same that Arthur had,’’ explained Harry.

‘’You think you can make all of them explode?’’ Eggsy asked Merlin.

‘’I can certainly try,’’ he said. Sure enough, a dialogue box popped up, asking Merlin if he wanted to activate the chips. ‘’Yes, please,’’ said Merlin before pressing enter.

Harry and Eggsy rushed to the front of the plane to see the heads of the henchmen blow up in an explosion of colour and smoke. ‘’Fucking spectacular!’’ cheered Merlin and Eggsy couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He beamed up at Harry who grinned back.

Their joy was short-lived. ‘’Did you really think I would put one of those things into my own head?’’ boomed Valentine’s voice over the intercom. ‘’All of those innocent people killed. And for what? You didn’t. Stop. Shit!’’

They watched in horror as the satellite connected itself and Valentine activated the signal from the SIM cards.

Merlin was the first to recover. ‘’We need to get his hand off the computer,’’ said Merlin. ‘’Eggsy, you’re staying here. The minute we get his hand off there, you’re going to fuck up his system. You and I, Harry, we’re going in.’’

‘’I don’t get a say in this, do I?’’ asked Eggsy.

‘’No,’’ said Merlin and Harry in perfect unison.

\--

Eggsy felt useless watching Harry and Merlin taking on Valentine and his blade-legged assistant. The minute they had reached the hall, the woman had attacked them. Harry had taken her on, losing his weapon, but giving her as good as he got, leaving Merlin free to open fire on Valentine. The glass of Valentine’s balcony shattered and he ducked out of the way of the bullets, taking his hand off the computer in the process. Eggsy was ready with the oldest trick in the book. Without wasting any time, he opened C:\Windows\ and deleted System32.

‘’Did you just do what I think you did?’’ asked Merlin who had climbed the balcony and was holding Valentine at gunpoint.

‘’Sure did, bruv,’’ said Eggsy watching Valentine’s computer slowly become unresponsive.

Merlin knocked Valentine out and yelled, ‘’Stay clear, Harry!’’ before shooting Valentine’s assistant in the back.

The whole room fell quiet when they realised that this was it. ‘’Did we win?’’ asked Eggsy quietly.

Harry let out a sigh of relief. ‘’We did, Eggsy. We did.’’


	7. zero-day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A zero-day vulnerability is an undisclosed computer-software vulnerability that hackers can exploit to adversely affect computer programs, data, additional computers or a network. It is known as a "zero-day" because once the flaw becomes known, the software's author has zero days in which to plan and advise any mitigation against its exploitation

They found the missing people locked away in Valentine’s lair and arranged rescue. By the time they finally took off from the lair to pick up Roxy from where she had landed, Eggsy had lost all sense of time and he could feel the adrenaline wearing off.

‘’Sleep, Eggsy,’’ said Harry when he took a seat next to Eggsy, who was trying to stay awake. ‘’You did well. You deserve some rest.’’

Eggsy let himself lean against Harry’s shoulder and closed his eyes. ‘’I didn’t even do anything,’’ he mumbled.

‘’You did everything, my boy.’’

\--

The first thing Eggsy did when they got back to London was to check on his mum and sister. He was relieved to find that his mum had taken his warning about the security of Valentine’s SIM cards seriously and hadn’t got one.

London, like the rest of the world, was in ruins. Eggsy tried to find out what happened to his mates, but with so many people dead, it was nearly impossible to find anyone. It would take weeks or even months before they managed to identify all of the deceased. Hospitals were busy with survivors who had sustained extensive injuries. Very few had managed to escape relatively clean.

Eggsy knew that Kingsman was in shambles so he didn’t really expect them to contact him, so for a few weeks, Eggsy was living a pretty aimless life, at loss what to do with himself and the knowledge that he was one of the people to put a stop to Valentine’s plan. Valentine himself had been executed by Merlin after it became clear that there was no way to bring him to justice, seeing as there was enough going on in the world.

Eggsy closed the door behind him and started down the stairs. He didn’t really know where he was going but after a while, the small flat had become claustrophobic.

‘’Eggsy!’’ called someone and Eggsy turned to see Harry leaning against the wall of the housing complex.

Eggsy was glad to see him. ‘’What are you doing here?’’

‘’I believe Merlin promised you a job after all of this is over. And I need someone to have a pint with,’’ said Harry, grinning at Eggsy. Eggsy smiled back. ‘’Lead the way, guv.’’

\--

They ended up at the Black Prince. Harry had filled Eggsy in on Kingsman’s situation – seven agents down, two severely injured and Harry himself was expected to take Arthur’s position. Merlin’s department wasn’t better off. The question whether Eggsy wanted to work for Kingsman went unasked, but Eggsy knew that Harry was there to recruit him. But before Eggsy made that decision, he needed to know more about his dad.

‘’So my dad was almost one of you gentlemen spies?’’ he asked.

‘’Yes, Eggsy,’’ said Harry. ‘’Lee possessed all the qualities of the ideal Kingsman candidate, even if I do say so myself.’’

‘’But he wasn’t posh like the rest of you lot.’’

‘’You’ll find, Eggsy, that merely good breeding does not a Kingsman make. Just look at Charlie – affluent family, took the Eton-Oxford route, had all the right friends, but in the end... Nothing but a coward.’’

‘’Yeah,’’ said Eggsy, still unconvinced.

‘’Eggsy, I chose your father as my proposal because of his exemplary performance in the Marines. He was physically very capable, held up well under pressure and could follow orders. He also had incredible analytical skills that were wasted in the Navy. So I offered him a job where he could use his skills and do something good with them, a job that came with a better pay, a job that, had he not passed away, would’ve allowed him to spend most of his time in London with his family. There are international missions, yes, but they are much shorter than an average tour in the military. Kingsman agents with spouses are allowed to disclose the nature of their work to them. Alas, your father never became an agent because of my idiotic mistake.’’

Eggsy looked at Harry and didn’t say anything for a while. It was hard to say anything in response, but it was clear that Harry very much blamed himself for Lee’s death. Eventually, Eggsy opened his mouth. ‘’It’s alright, Harry. It’ll take a while before I... What I mean is, I don’t blame you. It could’ve happened to anyone. Yes, I wish that you’d offered us a pension or something, that I’d known sooner. But ain’t nothing that can change that now.’’ Eggsy took a breath. ‘’All I’m saying is... It’s good, Harry. I wanted to find out what happened to my dad and I did. And I don’t like it, but... It’s all good. We’re good.’’

Harry smiled. ‘’Kingsman would be honoured to have you among our ranks, Eggsy.’’

‘’I could never be an agent.’’

‘’On the contrary, you’d make an excellent agent, even if you think that your strengths lie somewhere else. Take it from someone who’s been in the game for nearly 30 years now,’’ said Harry with a wry smile. ‘’But you would have a brilliant future working under Merlin, too. A less... dangerous future,’’ he added.

‘’I’ll think about it, Harry,’’ said Eggsy. And he would. Maybe he was ready to join an organization now.

\--

It took another two weeks for Eggsy to make his decision, although in the end, it hadn’t been that hard to say yes and start training to become a member on Kingsman’s newly formed cyber intelligence division. Eggsy still didn’t trust easily, but in their close-knit community, he started to see the benefits of not working alone.

On his first official day at his new job, a package arrived for him. He opened it to find a white cap and a note that read: _Welcome to Kingsman._ Eggsy laughed out loud and tapped his brand new Kingsman glasses to call Harry.

‘’You do realise that spying is inherently unethical and I’m still a grey hat?’’

‘’I hoped you would find it amusing,’’ replied Harry.

‘’With all due respect, you should be leading this organization, Arthur, not flirting with my employees,’’ said Merlin over the comms.

‘’Piss off, Merlin,’’ said Eggsy and Harry in unison. ‘’Unbelievable, there’s two of them now,’’ muttered Merlin before signing off.

‘’Flirting, Harry?’’ There was a moment of silence and Eggsy feared that he had gone too far.

Finally Harry spoke up. ‘’Maybe.’’

Eggsy grinned. ‘’So maybe you’re free tonight?’’

‘’Yes, Eggsy.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Find me on tumblr: eggmuffinwrites


End file.
